I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
