I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
