Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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