yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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