Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She said her name was "party"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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