6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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