I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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