EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
