they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
