Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
