well I can't set my house on fire every night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize