then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
