So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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