call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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