so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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