have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
