Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
