I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize