What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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