her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
