Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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