Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
