help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
