found the other keg... it's in the tree
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
