does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
