Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just high enough for therapy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
