I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
