Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
