grandma shit on top of the toilet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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