mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My friends, they love my intelligence
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
