this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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