If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
