Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
