I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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