once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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