So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Randomize
