This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
