How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
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ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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