I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
