so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
