she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
