I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
too bad you live with your parents still
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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