Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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