I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
