No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
