My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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