i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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