Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
