Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize