I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
