I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
