I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My vagina just clenched in fear
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
