Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
