Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
smell my finger.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
