2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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