and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
