The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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