i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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