where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
