Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
