Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
