First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
