Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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