why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
