Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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