Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
