looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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