I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
