i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
