Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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