The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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