Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drake has all the answers
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
