yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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