I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
