i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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