wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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