I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
