I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
