hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
