i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
