Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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