for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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