Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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