hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm passing your future prison.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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