Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
