Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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