the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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